Courtney Jaye and Saturn Return...

l.a., l.a., l.a....i am back and i am cold.

i don't know if i would be able to survive this city without urth cafe, the olympic japanese bath house and day spa, kishan shah; my favorite yoga instructor at santa monica yoga, therapy, and all of my good old friends...

but what happened to the chateau marmont? where did my hang go? why did i feel like i was in the casting offices of nickelodeon last night and courtney love was the casting director? somebody tell me, please...???

sometimes i walk into places in la and i get a brief feeling that i may be on another planet, or at least it feels that way sometimes...and i don't know whether it is a really wacky and fun planet, like the "star wars" bar...what was that place called? i forget the name of it right now...or i don't know if i should be scared and completely terrified, because i did see that movie when i was a kid and those creatures always freaked me out...

maybe it is a little bit of both...but la (and life for that matter) is all about what you make it, and who you choose to surround yourself with...and for me, i happen to have been very fortunate in finding all of the gems in this city...there are alot of good folks here and i am proud to say i know alot of them...

BUT, there is much going on and there are many things to be excited about...i flew to minneapolis last weekend to record a "duet" old school style with the gorgeous and talented rhett miller, the record is beginning to get mixed this week(one of my favorite parts of the record making process, especially for a control freak such as i;), i get to see my producer gary louris play at the troubadour tomorrow night and i will finally be making my way to the 'ashes and snow' art exhibit that i have been hearing about for months...the joys of the big city...

i've been listening to alot of jayhawks lately actually...i am also in love with the racontuers new single and i think brendan benson is about to make it big, and can i say it is about fucking time? that dude is just way too hot and cool to go unrecognized by the world...

everybody go and buy the new jenny lewis and the watson twins record...it is beauty wrapped in a plastic case...pure beauty...

have i mentioned that i am in my saturn return? does everyone know what that means? well, i bet you do if you have gone through your saturn return b/c it has been referred to as hell in moments and complete bliss in others...i don't quite understand the logistics of it all...like, where has saturn been and why is it returning right NOW?

i guess it is safe to say that saturn return is the years in which you officially make the transition into adulthood, and are forced to go into your fears, childhood memories, patterns, and projections that have been mounting up since birth, forcing you to take full responsibility for your life and your past actions, who you have become as a human, and where you are going...let me tell you, self realization is not fun...it is like all of the shit you throw out into the world for 28 years comes and hits your windshield while you are driving on the highway at 80 mph...no, it ain't fun but it is real. and i know enough to know that i only want what is real in my life...real friends, real conversation, real love...i am sick of the bullshit...i am sick of the avoidance...i am sick of trying to tell myself everything is going to be ok because the truth is, i don't KNOW if everything is going to be ok...what if it is not? what then? i won't explode, i won't die...i will survive, but the key is not to deny myself the right to feel my true feelings....and sometime true feelings suck...well most of the time, they suck, but the only way to clear the negative is to go through it, not avoid it...

i have never felt so powerful and so weak at the same time, sometimes all in the same day...it is absolutely wild, the transition that is going on from day to day...i have always been told that saturn return for a woman is when she goes wild and crazy but i think it is the opposite for me...i mean, i am going crazy in my brain but amidst this chaos, what is emerging is a human being who is learing how to be still, mellow, truly confident(not the fake kind) and able to feel peace in life(even if it is only for three minutes at the end of yoga class when i am in sevasana), and most importantly(and no bullshit my friends), i am learning how to like the person that i am...whoa, there, i said it...being real is about having to go through the dark to see the light...well, that's where i'm headed...will i make it? i don't know, but at least i will die trying.

goodnight dears,
courtney




Posted by Courtney Jaye


Courtney's music has had a home on our playlists and in our hearts since her debut release. Be sure to pick up a copy of her first album, "Traveling Light" and keep an eye peeled out for CJ's upcoming release. Get a sampling of what she's been up to lately at Courtney Jaye's MySpace Music Profile





The Time Machine



I'm so taken back by your honesty that I now feel silly telling you that what you were trying to come up with was the Cantina Bar. I've been living with that Jenny Lewis & The Watson Twins album for the past month and it is hard to shake (even "Handle With Care" which has already been in my DNA since 1988). You scribed, "I have never felt so powerful and so weak at the same time, sometimes all in the same day" hits the nail right on the head on my daily trials and tribulations. You also wrote, "being real is about having to go through the dark to see the light" which is something that most people don't want to hear. It's a blessing when someone points it out. Bless you Court...